


The Wild Adventures of Wingman Kyle (Lmao, You Two Should Kiss)

by ohmygoshwhatascream



Category: Astral Chain (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Dating, M/M, Male Protagonist, asexual!kyle, azure and Hal are just in love okay, just goofs being goofs, probably a bit OOC, protag called azure, wingman kyle
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:37:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmygoshwhatascream/pseuds/ohmygoshwhatascream
Summary: Kyle just really wants to see his friends happy, okay. Since he basically almost killed them, the least he can do is get them together, right?Alternatively, Hal and Azure go on lots of dates. Kyle is... well, he’s doing something.





	The Wild Adventures of Wingman Kyle (Lmao, You Two Should Kiss)

**Author's Note:**

> shoutout for my amazing friend arc (@telethiastar) for giving me like a million ideas for this fic! Love you man! ✨✨

The date was going well, all things considered.

_Yeah_, Hal did accidentally forget about all the food he’d left in the oven and his kitchen had set on fire. _Yeah_, they’d had to call the fire department which had, to be quite honest, ruined the mood somewhat.

_Sure_, they’d basically had to relocate to Azure’s own apartment, since Hal’s was now strictly off limits and uninhabitable…

But, all in all, the date wasn’t too bad.

Maybe it would have been better if, _y’know_, they’d actually done what Hal had been meticulously planning out for the past month.

Like, seriously. That would have been nice considering he had actually spent _way_ too much time preparing for this day.

He was gonna wine and dine Azure. A classy move, because he’s a classy guy.

He was gonna wow him with his amazing cooking skills, have Azure blushing at his smooth moves and crazy good conversational talents. And, when the date was just about to end… he’d lean in, just to offer a soft kiss on the lips. Nothing too raunchy, just the kind of kiss that would linger against Azure’s lips for days. A kiss so suave, so perfect, that Azure could only want more.

The perfect date, all completed by utter wizard and dating legend, Hal.

Okay. So maybe that plan wasn’t _entirely_ realistic. Maybe Hal’s been binge-watching too many romcoms. But it was a plan.

Now it’s gone off script and Hal has _no fucking clue what to do._

So. Current time. They’re on Azure’s sofa. They’re watching a movie. It’s one that Hal picked out with a confidence he’s beginning to regret. The guy on the box had looked super cool, Hal had been hoping the movie would have been super cool too.

No. Instead Hal picked a shit movie.

God, Azure’s gonna think he _likes_ stuff like this. What if Azure decides that Hal’s movie tastes are too bad for another date? What if Azure decides that Hal is too weird, or too boring, and never wants to see him again.

_No_! He’s got to stop thinking like this.

_Confidence_. That’s what he needs. This date can be salvaged, hopefully.

_Think, Hal! What did that Top 10 Most Romantic Pick Up Lines article say?_

“I- uh, A-Azure?”

_Shit. Fuck. Why did he just say that?_

Now Azure’s looking at him and he has _no idea what to say._

_Think… conversations… words… just say something. Anything! Speak! Oh my god, fucking speak!”_

“I… uh… _ikindaneedthetoilet_!”

Azure blinks. He smiles softly, and his eyes crinkle at the edges and Hal swears his heart stops.

Why… why is he so attractive? Why did Hal ever think this date was a good idea?

“The toilet?” Azure asks, voice clear and loud and not trembly at all.

Hal nods in reply. There’s no way he’s ever opening his mouth ever again. ‘_Ikindaneedthetoilet_’? _Really_? Since when did just saying words become something he can’t do?

“It’s down the hallway, second door on the right.”

Hal mumbles out what was supposed to be a ‘thank you’ but it came out sounding more like a panicked shriek. He hurries down the hallway before he can embarrass himself any further.

He finds the bathroom with, thankfully, no problem whatsoever. He flings open the door, rushing inside before locking it decidedly behind him.

With an anguished moan, he slides down onto the floor, back bumping against the door. “I’m so screwed.” He puts his head in his hands, scrunching his fingers against his scalp. “I can’t do this!”

There’s a thumping noise, a quiet rustling coming from somewhere.

Hal looks up, instantly alert.

Scanning the room, he can’t see anything that would be considered unusual. It’s a clean, normal-looking, everyday bathroom.

He hears the rustling again.

Did… did the shower curtain just… move?

Hal moves to stand, cautiously edging towards it.

Another rustle. Yeah. It’s definitely moving.

Taking a deep breath, Hal steels himself. He inches closer and closer towards the curtain, holding his breath as he nears it.

Suddenly, the curtains are pulled back in a flurry.

A figure leaps out of the bathtub, landing with a dramatic flourish of the hands. Hal almost screams.

The figure scowls darkly at Hal.

“What’s this load of ‘_ooh! I can’t do this’_ shit?”

“_Kyle_?”

“Uh, _yeah_. It’s me. What’s with the weird face?”

Hal pinches himself, half convinced he’s dreamt this day up.

Nothing happens. He pinches hard enough to draw tears.

Kyle’s still standing there, arms folded and an expression of both disgust and disappointment on his face.

“W-what are you doing here?”

Kyle looks surprised. “Who? _Me_?” He points to himself, looking around the room in confusion.

“I- of course it’s you! Who else would I be speaking to?” Exasperated, Hal rubs his temples. Kyle’s a good friend (now that he’s not trying to fight them every three seconds) but _man_ is he weird.

“Well, I’m here to help you!” Kyle grins, flashing a quick thumbs up.

“Help me with what?” Kyle rolls his eyes at that, shaking his head in shame.

“Dating! I’m your _wingman_!”

Hal groans.

“What? You need me! No offence man, but this date is… fucking catastrophic. But don’t fear, I’m here to save you! I’m like your… fairy godmother. But, like, for dating. Y’know, like, getting your Prince Charming. I’m gonna help you out man.”

With surprising speed and strength, Kyle lifts Hal up, plopping him down in front of the bathroom mirror.

“Now, I gotta work quick. You said you needed the toilet so you don’t want to spend much longer in here because then Azure is gonna think you’ve got some _shitty_ bowel problem, pun intended.” He cracks a grin, rolling his eyes when Hal doesn’t even crack a smile.

Hal chooses to remain quiet, instead reluctantly staring at his own reflection. He looks better than he feels, at least. Although his face looks a bit red and sweaty and he prays to god his hair hasn’t been like that since the date started… but, y’know, in the grand scheme of things; Hal’s looked a lot worse than this.

Kyle flushes the toilet, before turning the taps on full blast. He splashes some over Hal, much to his contempt, and leans in close.

“Right. This date. Disaster. But I know how you can fix it.”

Hal watches as Kyle’s reflection grins manically at him.

“How?” Hal whispers back.

“Kiss him.”

And with that, Kyle takes a bow before pushing open the bathroom window. “Stay cool, kid.” He laughs before he shimmies out the window, out of sight.

Hal stands there, dumbfounded. _What in all fuck just happened?_

He shakes his head, turning off the taps.

_Whelp. Nothing for it now, I guess._

With his anxiety already returning to sky high levels, Hal leaves the sanctuary of the bathroom and re-enters the Date Hell Zone.

He guesses the cold water has soothed his burning face, if just a bit, and he’s too focused on whatever the fuck that just was to spend as much time thinking about whether or not Azure likes him or not. So, _technically_, by some miracle, Kyle has almost helped? As in, not really, because now what Kyle actually said is settling in.

_Kiss_. Kiss Azure? Just… kiss him, just like that? He can’t do that! He can’t just go up to Azure, grab his face and just smash their lips together. There has to be a _moment_.

He shakes his head, trying to stay focused. He doesn’t need to worry about Kissing Etiquette, not just yet. All he needs to do is survive the rest of this evening without doing something embarrassing and without crying because _oh my god _Azure is just unfairly beautiful.

He steps back into the living room, instantly turning beet red when Azure cranes his neck, turning round to offer a toothy grin at him. Azure holds up a large bowl, practically overflowing with popcorn. “Hey, Hal! I made popcorn!” He looks so cute, so proud of himself as he gestures for Hal to sit down.

Azure is sitting at one end of the sofa. Hal carefully sits down beside him.

“Here!” Azure grins, leaning against Hal’s side. He pushes the bowl into Hal’s hands, not before grabbing a large handful for himself.

_Oh my god Azure made a bowl of popcorn to share fuck fuck fuck how can someone be so cute?_

They sit besides one another in silence, the only noises in the room being the sound of rustling popcorn and the blaring of the movie.

Hal stares at the man on the TV, trying to distract himself from the feeling of Azure’s leg pushed against his own. The ridiculously buff hero of the movie, just another generically attractive yet boring main character of another cool-looking but plotless action movie, does some ridiculously complicated backflip before he somehow manages to kill the bad guy even though he was supposed to have three broken ribs and a fractured ankle.

Azure laughs, exhaling air through his nose that tickles Hal’s cheek.

Hal turns to look at him, only to be greeted by a pair of warm, brown eyes staring up at him as if he’s the only thing in the world.

Hal’s breath is cut short, his hands grow clammy and his eyelashes flutter.

“You’re super cute, you know that?” Azure speaks, his voice barely above a whisper.

His hand moves to cup Hal’s jaw, his long fingers carefully tracing the dip of his cheekbone. Hal’s eyelids droop and he leans forward, ever so slightly…

Suddenly, without warning, Hal is pushed backwards by a terrifyingly powerful force. He’s flung of the sofa, landing on the carpet with a shout. His eyes are flung upon and, standing upon the sofa, now sans of its cushions, and with a half empty bowl of popcorn held in his hands, is Kyle.

“Kyle? Were you… _inside_ my couch?”

He grins, striking a pose and flexing his biceps. “A magician never reveals his secrets!” He winks. “Anyway, nerds, I’m only here to say one thing.” He pauses, giving Hal probably one of the most sinister thumbs-up ever known to man. “You two should kiss.”

There’s a bang and a cloud of coloured smoke billows from where Kyle stood. It clears in seconds, yet Kyle is gone.

All that’s been left in his wake is a spilled bowl of popcorn and a couch free of cushions.

“What the fuck was that about?” Azure asks, and Hal has to agree.

-

“You’re gonna be fine getting home? It’s safe to go back? Azure asks, hands lingering on Hal’s forearms as the two say goodbye.

“I’ll be fine.” Hal says, nervously looking to the floor. He can feel Azure’s hands slide down to his wrists, tightening their grip momentarily before pulling away.

“I had a lot of fun tonight.” Hal’s breath catches in his throat. “M-me too.” He whispers back.

“Let’s do this again sometime, yeah?”

“I-I’d like that.”

“See you, then!”

Hal moves to turn away, but before he can, Azure steps closer.

He stands on his tiptoes, placing a careful kiss against Hal’s cheek.

“Have a safe trip home.”

**Author's Note:**

> expect irregular updates. I do have a last chapter set in mind, but this is just a collection of random one shots all revolving around hazure dates. Feel free to contact me/comment with ideas bc, like, idk where this is going lmao.


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